Judge Ye Not

For those that don't know, I am recently engaged to a beautifully wonderful woman that I am privileged to even know, much less marry. Our story is a little strange and many would say they don't really agree with some of our decisions. Sufficeth to say our courtship was fast and unexpected, and some have given us flack for this. With the convenience of Facebook we have been able to inform others of the changes we have had to make to our wedding (Dates, plans, ect) in mass quantity. With just one message we were able to tell hundreds of people that we moved our wedding date up.

Just a few hours after doing so one of the people who disagreed with us "Rushing into marriage" posted an ambiguous message on there status. She stated that she didn't understand why people rush into marriage and the conversation that followed was more confirmation to her statement.

When I read this it did not make me upset. In fact, it made me sad for all those that participated and sad for those that think the same as they. How can anyone know the exact situation of another? It matters not how similare a situation you may have been through or how many people have told you the same story. There is literally no way to know another's situation fully. So does that mean you can not have an opinion? Of course not! It is every person's right to have an opinion. The problem comes with those who think their way of the thinking is the ONLY right path.

Looking at my situation, it is interesting to really look at the big picture. When you hear people talk about how they would never rush into marriage it comes from 2 different types of people: Those who have had a similar experience and it crushed them, and those that have never been in the situation at all. Since the latter has no clue of what they speak it is unfair for them to speak as if they know and unwise for anyone to take their advice.

The first, however, has a place to give a word of caution. Their is nothing wrong with this either. They are only at fault when they force their opinion or try to get the other to change. In fact, I have been in this exact situation. Before I met my current fiance I was engaged to another woman that left me very harshly and broke my heart and dreams for a period. This experience hurt me deeply and I even said to myself that I would not rush into a marriage again. I remember even counseling others to not rush into it as well, but I always made sure not to be forceful and just give my opinion and love the other no mater what they chose.

It was just over a year and a half after that that I was in a similar situation again with my current fiance. I found myself falling for this wonderful woman far faster then anyone since my Ex and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes I wonder if i would have denied myself the pleasure and beautiful future with her if I would have said "No, we have to date at least 6 months!" I do not regret my decision and can guarantee you I never will.

Now, lets take a look at the third party that everyone seems to forget, or choose not to see. Along with those that have had a hurtful experience and those that have no clue of what they speak there is also the group of couples that have "Rushed into marriage" and are happily married to this day. Why do we choose to ignore this group? Do we believe they don't exist or refuse to admit that others could actually be happy in this situation? Indeed it is the natural human reaction to just see the negative and overlook the positive. In fact, many who read this will likely say "Sure, but those are the exception" Well to those I have 2 things to say...

1) Maybe you should widen your gaze. It is likely that those you talk to have been in the 'Hurt' catigory I spoke of early because they were not smart about the situation and was focused on the wrong things. If you look around at others who are happily married you will find that many were rather quick engagements. As stated in an eHow article:

The success of any of these marriages relies on the people involved in the relationship. Basic elements remain fundamental to marriage regardless of the length of time spent dating prior to that union.Read more: How Long Do People Usually Date Before They Get Married? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5376907_long-usually-date-before-married.html#ixzz1KZIooTMO

2) How dare you look down on another for being happy! It is this exact view point that henders you from having something as beautiful as this! My dear friends, be happy and stop being so pessimistic! No one likes a "Downer"

Overall, I just wish to get everyone to realize that you can not know another's situation perfectly and thus should and can not assume you know better then they. Their is only one that can fully understand, and I guarantee you he will not tell you if someone else is doing it wrong.