The long process of growing

First of all, sorry it has been so long sense I have posted. I recently got married and have been a tad busy with that. ;)

It is actually my marriage that brings up the point I wish to make today. I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. We were just married last Friday and have already gone through several trials. We have grown and matured with each other and have had to make several very important decisions together as well, and as I was laying with her today I realized something that made me very very grateful for our situation.

Hannah and I are both 25 years old and have never been married. We have both longed for marriage and a family for many years (me personally since I was 15) and we both strongly agree that marriage is a sacred bond that should not be taken lightly and should never use divorce as an out. (Divorce in it self is a completely different matter that I will not get into today. Suffice to say that there is a time and a place for divorce, but should not be used frequently.) We have both matured enough that we have our own foundations and know who we are. I am very happy that I waited to marry such a wonderful person.

To some this may sound strange. To think that someone could wait to be married, or even have sex, until they are 25 years old is rather ludicrous in this day and age. It is not uncommon for someone my age to have already been married and divorced. In fact, I have heard the term "Starter Marriage" used as an excuse to get married and divorce far too much. In our society we see this as normal and acceptable, but if you truly step back and take a look at the big picture you will see a major flaw in this mindset.

I am a Christan and believe that God's plan and order of life is perfect and he knows what is best. However, even if you are not a Christan the method of thinking which I am about to describe still applies and should be considered.

When you are young you are in the "Me" stage of life. This is not to say that you are selfish, but it is evident that you are looking out for yourself and wanting to learn everything you can. This is normal and actually healthy. From the time we can distinguish the difference between right and wrong we are trying to perfect ourselves the best way we know how. Some may take a more destructive path, but the purpose is the same, they are trying to become who they want to be. This process of discovering and perfecting takes place until the time you get married.

Once you are married you then are no longer focused on just yourself, but also your spouse. You no longer spend the entire day playing games, doing chores, doing your hobbies, or anything that is solely a one person activity. You use your time to do things as a couple and make sure you set time aside for that person. This is not to say that you no longer are yourself or even that you no longer have your alone time. There needs to be a healthy amount of self discovery still, even after marriage, but the simple fact remains that the most of your time will be devoted to the other. Not to give them everything they want, but to work together to start to build a home where ever you live. To make 1 life out of 2 people. And believe me, this is not a simple task.

After you have built your home and feel complete, you are ready to add to that home, for what is a house without people to live in it? It is the next step to have children and to raise those children to be good outstanding people. This is probably the most important step and will last the rest of your life. No matter how old you or the child may get, you are still their parent.

First you are born. Then you are made strong (not perfected, because that will take more then a lifetime.) Then you are given another. Together you start to build. When your house is strong you are given more. Thus we see the progression of life and the broader picture.

Notice that I never gave ages for these steps. That is because NO ONE can tell you when you are ready for the next step. And to be quite honest, often times YOU don't even know. I remember when I was 17, still in high school, and I thought I was ready to marry the girl I was dating at the time. I was determined that I knew myself and knew I could make it. I look back today and realize I was a fool. I was no where near ready and am very grateful to NOT have taken that path at that time.

Now, before anyone goes and assumes I am condemning those that got married young or started a family when they may not have been married, let me just say that I am doing NO SUCH THING. We must always remember that despite ANY decision we make there is always a way to make the outcome better. And if anyone knows my family history they know that I speak from experience and with complete knowledge of the truth of this.

These steps go in this particular order for a reason. It is meant to be this way. Unfortunately we usually do not see its purpose until after we have screwed up a bit, but we can do what we can to help those after us and to help our future as well.