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Occasional Thoughts

Dec 10, 2011

Chistmas + Money = ???

I may only be 26 years old but I have definitely experienced the stress of Christmas. In fact, I would say that anyone older then the age of 17 has experienced the worry, stress, heartache, strain, and all around hassle that comes along with the Christmas season. The hassle of getting presents, the time it takes to get those presents, the disappearing of the money required, and the complete feeling of disarray can take its toll on anyone.

This year is particularly hard for me. This is the first year I have had a wife to join in on my Christmas celebration. This comes with mixed emotions of extreme joy and unprecedented stress. I have never had to look out for someone else during the hassle of Christmas, and I have never had so many bills to bay either. How is someone suppose to not only pay their bills that they scrimp to pay every month, but also find a way to get the money to buy presents and pay for a plane ticket to go see the ones they love so dear? It is amazing to me that the time of year that should be the most joyous and wonderful is the most stressful and worrisome.

Honestly, there is very little that we can do to stop this trend of hardships around Christmas time. But that is not to say we can not do something to help those around us.

Yesterday, I got a text from a good friend that I have not talked to in several months. As soon as I saw who it was from it brought a smile to my face. I was eager to talk to her and find out what has been going on in her life, but most of all I was delighted that she thought of me and sent me a text merely saying Hi.

Isn't that the spirit of Christmas? Isn't that what we should be doing to spread the love of our Savior? How hard is it to pick up your phone and push a few keys? It only takes that one small act to brighten someones day. Just say Hey. Tell them you miss them. You may not get to actually see them for Christmas, but the very fact that you are thinking about them will let them know that someone out there cares for them. That maybe the love of the Lord can spread through the hassle and chaos of the Holiday season. Don't let the hardships of this time stop you from reaching out. You really will have NO idea of the impact you may have.

Oct 21, 2011

Appreciate the Time You Have

It is around 5 am and I lie in bed sleeping peacefully. I am awakened by an alarm my wife set so she could help a friend out and take her to the airport. She turns over, kisses me and tells me she loves me, then gets out of bed and is on her way. I turn over and shield myself from the cold with the covers and quickly fall back asleep.

When I awake the second time I am delighted to find my lovely wife kissing me once again. She quickly snuggles into bed and we hold to each other as the cold enters the blanket barrier I had made. As I close my eyes and genuinely tell my lady I love her, I realize how lucky I am. It dons on me that the vast majority of marriages (or perhaps even relationships) are not genuinely happy to see and hold their spouse.

What happened to our society? Why are people so determined to get what they "want" and sacrifice the very things that are important to them? With just the simplest jester of a kiss and embrace I am reminded of the simple beauty of my life. I am reminded of the true joy that comes from love and family. Why would someone throw that away just because they don't want to give up some attribute of themselves? Have we really forgotten that a relationship is work? That BOTH parties must bend?

 Just a few days ago I got a message on Facebook from an friend that was just telling me how she was happy that "My dreams came true." I really thought about it at that point... Had they?

Was this really the life I have always wanted? I looked back and remembered how I felt that morning laying in bed with my wife. A smile adorned my face and I realized yes, it was. It is not ANYTHING like I imaged, but it is the life I have always wanted. And my dreams really have come true.

Shouldn't we all feel that way about our lives? And if you don't.... Why don't you? It's your choice. Be happy with the choices you've made.

Sep 27, 2011

Computer Clean up...over $200!?!?

So, I just started a new job at an awesome company as a Computer Technician. I am actually the guy that you go to at various computer stores to fix your computer from viruses and such. This is nothing new to me since I have been working on computers since middle school, so fixing issues (even complex issues) are not a big deal to me. However, because I have always fixed my own computer problems and changed anything out that I needed to I have never had to pay someone else to do it. So imagine my surprise when I over hear our sales guys sell our package for over $100 bucks! THEN imagine my surprise even further when I find out that we are actually the cheapest in the business!!

Did you know that if your computer is on the fritz places like Best Buy and such is on average $150 just to LOOK at your computer?!?! Then is could be an easy $50-$400 to fix it after that?! That's crazy! All of a sudden I realize why there is money in the IT business... Because people will pay that!! I guess I shouldn't complain sense that is what I am getting into. lol

When I found all this out I actually remembered an incident I had forgot. My computer hod some major issues at one point and I just wanted to reformat the entire computer. This was on a version of Windows that did not have the format option installed on the computer so you had to have a CD, however, I had lost mine. I decided to check around to see if some computer place would install it for me for cheap. when i found a place that would do it they told me it would be $125! Just fort a reformat! I don't know if you know how little you have to do for that, but it is as simple as booting up your computer with the disk inside and following the prompts! I thought they were just a rip off, but apparently this is the normal price range.

Like I said before, I shouldn't really complain since I am the guy that will be getting paid that in the future. I guess I am just a little dumbfounded.

Aug 19, 2011

Can we truly be content?

Can we truly be content? Do we want to be? What really is being content? Well, first of all, what I mean by content is happy staying where you are. The dictionary.com defines being content as "satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else." To the hopeful reader this may sound appealing, what is right for them, or maybe even what they have been trying for. However, is this really what you want?

By definition, if you are content, then you are not looking to digress or fall in anyway, but also you are not looking to grow either. If you are content where you are in life, in your job, in your schooling, or almost anything in life, then you will stay exactly where you are for the rest of your life. I dare any of you to talk to your grandparents and ask if they wished things had stayed EXACTLY the way they were when they were your age. The answer would almost certainly be no. If it had they would not have experienced all the great things they had. Perhaps they would not have had your parents, or got a curtain job that helped them support their family.

Now, there is a point to make here that is very important. I am in NO WAY saying this is a reason to look down on, or degrade yourself in anyway! If you look in the mirror and think how disgusting, pathetic, and ugly you are then you are not helping anybody. Especially not yourself. So you may ask, "Well, why would I change myself if I were satisfied?" Because the goal here and in life in general is NOT to be satisfied or content, but to grow; to constantly try to be better. And while you are getting better you should be happy with where and who you are.

Do you think he would have made it where he is today if Bill Gates had been content with his first million dollars? I have no doubt that, at one point,getting a million dollars was one of his goals. If he would have just given up there and said, "Well, I did it. I'm good." he would NOT be where he is today, one of the richest people on this planet. 


If money is not what motivates you, take into consideration Gandhi, or Mother Teressa. Do you think they were the type of people that did one good thing a day then called it quits? Do you think that after one inspirational trip they just kicked there feet back and said, "Man, glad that's over. I should be good for a while."?


I really hope no one misinterprets this post as a way of telling themselves they are not good enough. Because the simple fact is you ARE good enough, but why stop there? Now, I am no picture perfect example of this, but I think what is important is that we understand this concept and at least try to achieve it.

Aug 8, 2011

The ever changing price of happiness

What is the price for success? What is truly considered success? When will I be "OK"? Is it too late for me?

Some of these questions have been resonating in my mind for a few days now. It is my belief that we all ask ourselves these questions and ask them several time throughout our lives, and, indeed, I believe the answer to each question has the ability to change depending on your current stage in life. Our particular circumstances generally end up defining how we feel and what we expect the future to become. So, really, the real question is how do we stay happy?

Happiness
If our general happiness and outlook on the future is based largely on what your circumstances are at that particular moment, and those circumstances regularly change, how can we stay happy? Is there a constant that we can hold onto? Any religious person would say that God is the only true constant. That our lives are far too complicated and unpredictable to rely on mortality.

On the other hand, a non religious person would say that religion is not constant if there is no God to provide. So they, in turn, would look for something in this life they could hold on to.

What are YOUR thoughts?

Success
One could categorize success as the funds received every month or year, or the feeling of power or importance in their lives. Another would say it is the success of his/her children and their happiness, or the happiness felt from having those children. Yet another may say it is the feeling of freedom of debt and worry of finances.

Truly, I believe it is an individual perspective of what is important to you. I believe it is innate in us to want our posterity to be happy and loved, but I also believe people can push that aside enough to make other things such as money or financial freedom more important. So the question is what is important to you? You may be surprised to realize that, despite what you WANT, something you didn't expect is more important than you supposed.

Now, I believe it is important to realize that NON of these options are necessarily wrong or right. They are merrily priorities. To me, it only become wrong when you neglect one for the other.

I have never searched for riches or fame or any type of riches. All I have ever wanted was to provide for my family, yet I did not realize how important that was to me until I got married. I absolutely HATE the fact that my wife has to work right now in order to pay the bills. So, for right now, obtaining an income is high in my priorities right now. Five years down the road, that may very well change, but as I said earlier it is determined by your current circumstance.

Ultimately, I believe your happiness is dependent on yourself. One can find happiness in the dirt and grime of the world if his/her priorities are on what they wish. Anyone that knows me knows that I, myself, struggle with this, but I do believe it. I am not saying it is easy, and I AM saying that you wont get it right away. In fact, you may get it one moment and then something may happen and you may have to rediscover it, but I do believe it is there.

Aug 3, 2011

So what if it rains!

So, this past week I have been in Portland, Oregon. It is sooooo beautiful there! Green as far as the eyes can see! I lived in Oregon for 2 years and loved every minute of it. In fact, I hope to actually move there one day with my wife. I love the feeling I get when I am there. And, yes, I know that it rains ALL THE TIME there, but I can't help but love it.


In going there this last time it really made me think about how we as humans view things. If any of you have ever been to Portland you know that it is full of WIERDOS! Everyone there seems to try and outdo the other in wierdness. It is truly a place of variety and diversity. Once could easily look at all the strange people in Portland and say something like "I could never live here, there are just so many wierdos!" In my point of view, those weirdos are the ones that give spice to the world. Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone was just cut and dry? One may not like the different people because they have a different opinion about things you feel strongly about. That may be true, but that is no reason to shun them, or berate their opinion. Everyone has different view points and we should use those view points to see around the obstacles in front of us.

Another thing I thought of was the fact that it rains all the time there. A Lot of people would hate that and say it would depress them. I know about depression. i have suffered with it all my life. There are somethings that you can not change with it. And it is true that some things with depression are very chemical, but there is also alot of it that is physiological. It may rain a lot in your life, but ultimately it is your perspective that really matters. When I hear people talk about Oregon and how they hate the rain all I can think is if it wasn't for "All that rain" it would NOT be green and beautiful!! The cup can be half full you know. lol So when the rains of life weigh you down, try to take a look at what will grow from it after.

Jul 27, 2011

Yet, I am not Destroyed

This whole week has been good to me. Things are going well and I am happy. I look outside and actually see the color that has for so long eluded me. As I see such wonderful things I wonder what it is that has changed, for as I look I see that all is, in actuality, the same as before.

So what is different? Is it the time that has passed that, perhaps, mended the broken pieces in my heart? Or is it the people I am now around that have uplifted me or the people I have distanced myself from that no longer hold me down? As I ponder on what it is that has changed I realize what it truly is.

It's me.

The world outside has not changed. When I look at the news it is still filled with disaster and heartache. When I think about my schooling I am still in debt. In truth, all the things that stressed me out before remain. The fundamental difference, However, is that I have learned how to trust. To trust myself, to trust my wife, to trust God.

I have realized that I have no control over this world, but I have ALL the control over MY world. I can not change the terrible things in this world. One could liken it today to the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Yet, I am not destroyed. I still prosper and if I truly think of it, I am greatly blessed! I dare not go into the specifics of my life to explain why I am so blessed, but suffice to say that they are nothing extraordinary. My blessings are the same as you and the person down the street. So why am I happy? Because I choose to be.

No one can know what the future will hold, and you can be almost curtain it will hold hardships and trials. However, please don't forget that there will be just as many, if not more, happy and fortunate times as the hard.
Remember to SMILE! :)

Jul 22, 2011

A Reason for Trying

Over the past few months there has been so many changes to my life. I have gone through an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows, striving and winning, and coasting just to get by. Yet, through all ofwhat I have been going through one thing still remains the same... I'm Happy :)

Anyone who has been married knows the stress that is involved with this undertaking. Countless hours of preparation and study into various avenues were taken for just a simple wedding. ( I mean, come on, we had Odder Pops at our wedding!) This in itself is enough to get anyone stressed out, even if it is a "Good" stress.

Add to that the fact that my hours were cut at work to only 4 hours a week, going to school full time at the end of getting my degree when it is hardest, finding a new job, making sure we can pay bills, updating my portfolio, actually getting a new job that takes a large amount of work and you get a recipe for stress and potential mental explosion! You all know how this is. I don't need to tell you that life is hard. Every single one of you have experienced it.... ARE experiencing it! This is not new. What is new, at least for me, is that I have learned to just breath.

I have so many things on my plate that some would say it is imposable to NOT be discouraged, but I can tell you, surprising enough, I'm not! I am actually very hopeful for the future! Maybe it is because of my new job that helps me feel good, maybe it's because I have an AMAZING wife who supports me and helps me every step of the way, maybe its because I was raised to see the good, I have no idea. But I honestly don't think it was any one thing at all.

If I had to pin it down to just one thing I would have to say its my ambition, my drive, my reason for trying. What does this entail? So many things! My particular reasons for trying simple yet powerful. I am newly married and MUST provide for my family. This means I have to work NOW for us to be happy and make it by, and I must work for the FUTURE by going to school and making sure I am bettering myself for a better life. I am looking for more then just "OK" We currently are doing "OK" we could get by no problem the rest of our lives like this and be fine, but I am looking for more then fine, more then "OK" I don't care about the money part of that, but I am working to make a better LIFE! And I am doing it now, because if you don't do it now you won't ever. It's true when they say "Tomorrow" will never come.

Another thing that is important is chiefly, my Wife. She is such a blessing to me. She believes in me truly. She watches me as I am trying my best and literally tells me everyday that she is thanksfull for me and all I do, even though we are dirt poor right now. And she isn't just sitting there either. She is trying her best. She is also going to work and helping me pursue what it is that I wish to pursue. She is amazing.

Now, i don't know what your motivations are. I don't know what your reasons for trying are, but I can GUARANTEE you they are out there!!! Find them and cling to them!!! I don't care if it is just to make money and get the fancy car you have always wanted, or to be recognized my people, or even if it is just to get out of debt. I DON'T CARE! The simple fact is this..


If you don't do something NOW, won't the next 5 years look exactly like the last 5 years?

Jun 18, 2011

The long process of growing

First of all, sorry it has been so long sense I have posted. I recently got married and have been a tad busy with that. ;)

It is actually my marriage that brings up the point I wish to make today. I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. We were just married last Friday and have already gone through several trials. We have grown and matured with each other and have had to make several very important decisions together as well, and as I was laying with her today I realized something that made me very very grateful for our situation.

Hannah and I are both 25 years old and have never been married. We have both longed for marriage and a family for many years (me personally since I was 15) and we both strongly agree that marriage is a sacred bond that should not be taken lightly and should never use divorce as an out. (Divorce in it self is a completely different matter that I will not get into today. Suffice to say that there is a time and a place for divorce, but should not be used frequently.) We have both matured enough that we have our own foundations and know who we are. I am very happy that I waited to marry such a wonderful person.

To some this may sound strange. To think that someone could wait to be married, or even have sex, until they are 25 years old is rather ludicrous in this day and age. It is not uncommon for someone my age to have already been married and divorced. In fact, I have heard the term "Starter Marriage" used as an excuse to get married and divorce far too much. In our society we see this as normal and acceptable, but if you truly step back and take a look at the big picture you will see a major flaw in this mindset.

I am a Christan and believe that God's plan and order of life is perfect and he knows what is best. However, even if you are not a Christan the method of thinking which I am about to describe still applies and should be considered.

When you are young you are in the "Me" stage of life. This is not to say that you are selfish, but it is evident that you are looking out for yourself and wanting to learn everything you can. This is normal and actually healthy. From the time we can distinguish the difference between right and wrong we are trying to perfect ourselves the best way we know how. Some may take a more destructive path, but the purpose is the same, they are trying to become who they want to be. This process of discovering and perfecting takes place until the time you get married.

Once you are married you then are no longer focused on just yourself, but also your spouse. You no longer spend the entire day playing games, doing chores, doing your hobbies, or anything that is solely a one person activity. You use your time to do things as a couple and make sure you set time aside for that person. This is not to say that you no longer are yourself or even that you no longer have your alone time. There needs to be a healthy amount of self discovery still, even after marriage, but the simple fact remains that the most of your time will be devoted to the other. Not to give them everything they want, but to work together to start to build a home where ever you live. To make 1 life out of 2 people. And believe me, this is not a simple task.

After you have built your home and feel complete, you are ready to add to that home, for what is a house without people to live in it? It is the next step to have children and to raise those children to be good outstanding people. This is probably the most important step and will last the rest of your life. No matter how old you or the child may get, you are still their parent.

First you are born. Then you are made strong (not perfected, because that will take more then a lifetime.) Then you are given another. Together you start to build. When your house is strong you are given more. Thus we see the progression of life and the broader picture.

Notice that I never gave ages for these steps. That is because NO ONE can tell you when you are ready for the next step. And to be quite honest, often times YOU don't even know. I remember when I was 17, still in high school, and I thought I was ready to marry the girl I was dating at the time. I was determined that I knew myself and knew I could make it. I look back today and realize I was a fool. I was no where near ready and am very grateful to NOT have taken that path at that time.

Now, before anyone goes and assumes I am condemning those that got married young or started a family when they may not have been married, let me just say that I am doing NO SUCH THING. We must always remember that despite ANY decision we make there is always a way to make the outcome better. And if anyone knows my family history they know that I speak from experience and with complete knowledge of the truth of this.

These steps go in this particular order for a reason. It is meant to be this way. Unfortunately we usually do not see its purpose until after we have screwed up a bit, but we can do what we can to help those after us and to help our future as well.

May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Laden killed! A Reign of Terror Ended

It is fair to say that I am not much of a political person or even into governmental issues, but the issue of finding Bin Laden has been something I have always agreed with. This mass murderer needed to be stopped at all costs. Not only was he an enemy and tyrant of the United States, but he was a murderer and the very face of evil for the whole world. It is in this realization that I celebrate his death. Good riddens to bad rubbish.

As I was talking to my roommates and parents about this historic event it occurred to me that never in my life have I ever celebrated the death of another human being. Although it is hard to imagine, God even loves this low life and wishes to have him in his presence. As I thought about this I was reminded of the meny accounts int he bible when God had to force his hand in making sure justice and righteousness was carried out, and I do believe Justice was carried out in stopping a tyrant from ever hurting another individual again. I do not profess to speak for God in any manner, but I do say that the world is better off with a worm like Osama Bin Laden dead!

It occurred to me as well that in many ways Osama Bin Laden was the Hitler of our generation. It could be argued that Osama did not do quite as many horrible things or did not even have as much power as Hitler, but I believe it is fair to say that he was an enemy to the world just as Hitler was.

Bin Laden was not just the United State's enemy. He was a world wide terrorist! He killed thousands of people from all nations and was hunted by more then just the U.S. As President Obama stated last night, it was in conjunction with Pakistan that we even got Bin Laden. He was a tyrant, murderer, thief, radicle,  and poor excuse for a human being, and the world is a better place without him.

God Bless America

Apr 25, 2011

Judge Ye Not

For those that don't know, I am recently engaged to a beautifully wonderful woman that I am privileged to even know, much less marry. Our story is a little strange and many would say they don't really agree with some of our decisions. Sufficeth to say our courtship was fast and unexpected, and some have given us flack for this. With the convenience of Facebook we have been able to inform others of the changes we have had to make to our wedding (Dates, plans, ect) in mass quantity. With just one message we were able to tell hundreds of people that we moved our wedding date up.

Just a few hours after doing so one of the people who disagreed with us "Rushing into marriage" posted an ambiguous message on there status. She stated that she didn't understand why people rush into marriage and the conversation that followed was more confirmation to her statement.

When I read this it did not make me upset. In fact, it made me sad for all those that participated and sad for those that think the same as they. How can anyone know the exact situation of another? It matters not how similare a situation you may have been through or how many people have told you the same story. There is literally no way to know another's situation fully. So does that mean you can not have an opinion? Of course not! It is every person's right to have an opinion. The problem comes with those who think their way of the thinking is the ONLY right path.

Looking at my situation, it is interesting to really look at the big picture. When you hear people talk about how they would never rush into marriage it comes from 2 different types of people: Those who have had a similar experience and it crushed them, and those that have never been in the situation at all. Since the latter has no clue of what they speak it is unfair for them to speak as if they know and unwise for anyone to take their advice.

The first, however, has a place to give a word of caution. Their is nothing wrong with this either. They are only at fault when they force their opinion or try to get the other to change. In fact, I have been in this exact situation. Before I met my current fiance I was engaged to another woman that left me very harshly and broke my heart and dreams for a period. This experience hurt me deeply and I even said to myself that I would not rush into a marriage again. I remember even counseling others to not rush into it as well, but I always made sure not to be forceful and just give my opinion and love the other no mater what they chose.

It was just over a year and a half after that that I was in a similar situation again with my current fiance. I found myself falling for this wonderful woman far faster then anyone since my Ex and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes I wonder if i would have denied myself the pleasure and beautiful future with her if I would have said "No, we have to date at least 6 months!" I do not regret my decision and can guarantee you I never will.

Now, lets take a look at the third party that everyone seems to forget, or choose not to see. Along with those that have had a hurtful experience and those that have no clue of what they speak there is also the group of couples that have "Rushed into marriage" and are happily married to this day. Why do we choose to ignore this group? Do we believe they don't exist or refuse to admit that others could actually be happy in this situation? Indeed it is the natural human reaction to just see the negative and overlook the positive. In fact, many who read this will likely say "Sure, but those are the exception" Well to those I have 2 things to say...

1) Maybe you should widen your gaze. It is likely that those you talk to have been in the 'Hurt' catigory I spoke of early because they were not smart about the situation and was focused on the wrong things. If you look around at others who are happily married you will find that many were rather quick engagements. As stated in an eHow article:
The success of any of these marriages relies on the people involved in the relationship. Basic elements remain fundamental to marriage regardless of the length of time spent dating prior to that union.Read more: How Long Do People Usually Date Before They Get Married? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5376907_long-usually-date-before-married.html#ixzz1KZIooTMO
2) How dare you look down on another for being happy! It is this exact view point that henders you from having something as beautiful as this! My dear friends, be happy and stop being so pessimistic! No one likes a "Downer"

Overall, I just wish to get everyone to realize that you can not know another's situation perfectly and thus should and can not assume you know better then they. Their is only one that can fully understand, and I guarantee you he will not tell you if someone else is doing it wrong.

Mar 30, 2011

A Better Outlook: But how do I do it?

Sorry it has taken so long to post something. I have recently got engaged and if any of you are married you know how much time that sucks from you, and on top of that I have an art show coming up! Things have (needless to say) time consuming!

Because of all these things that have been happening I have been thinking more and more about how our attitude effects the outcome of our lives. Really, not just our lives but also the projects we work on. Be it our work at our jobs or the everyday interactions with our family and/or friends, it is all effected by our attitude. If we call someone that frequently upsets us expecting to get frustrated at them I can guarantee you will.

Not too long ago I talked with my soon to be in-law about just this topic and he said the same thought. "Whatever you search for, you will find." This statement is so true in every aspect of our lives. Many people laugh at the idea of 'positive thinking' but I'd bet you all those people have not tried it.

By no means am I saying that changing your outlook will make your 'life better', but I can say that it will be more bearable. Your hardships and struggles will still be there and will not just magically disappear. They will, however, be magically lighter, magically easier, and you will magically smile just a tad more.

Many may read this and think
I would love to have that outlook, but how do I do it?
This is actually a fantastic question and one that I have struggled with many times in my life. Unfortunately, I do not have a direct answer. the simple fact of the matter is that every single person decides how they will learn this lesson. Since every individual has their own way of learning it is imposable to have one universal answer. Their is, However, some advice that can be given:
  • Fake it 'till you make it - This is the concept that you act like the person you wont to be (or do the things you want to develop) even if it means it is uncomfortable for you. You 'fake' being the person you want to be until that is the person you become.I used to be greatly opposed to this concept. I did not like the idea of acting like someone else and not truly being yourself. I felt that if I "Faked" the way I was then I would be lying to everyone.
    The truth is that you are not actually lying about anything. It is not lying if that is the person you want to be. It may not be easy to do this and many may even call you out on it, but if you stick with it you will naturally take on those attributes you want. Then the next thing you know you don't even have to think about it anymore. So if that means just forcing a smile when talking to someone that frustrates you, then your are on the right path.
  • Surround yourself with what you want to become - This seems like an easy enough ans simple concept, but trust me, its not. This is one of those things that you really have to be dedicated to in order to work. This entails cutting yourself off from the people and friends that are not acting the way you would like to be. Unfortunately, the people you surround yourself with DO influence who you are as a person.Please understand that I do not mean you should burn the bridges of those you care about. What I am saying is you must weigh if them bringing you down is worth risking your happiness. I have done this before without making either party angry. In fact if they are true friends then they should understand that you are not comfortable in the situation and should respect you for what you choose. Sure, you may get a little hazing, but trust me, this hazing is a small price for happiness. 
Just try to remember that your life is up to YOU and it is only YOU who can determine how it will end up.

    Mar 11, 2011

    People Do Change

    I have been reflecting on my life lately, both on what my life is now and what it used to be, and it has lead me to see how I have changed in a relatively short amount of time. This time last year I was mourning over a lost love and just trying to make it through the days. I was faking and lying to myself to try and feel better.

    Now, I am the happiest I have been in a very very long time. I have come to the realization that the "Love" I lost previously was an amazing learning experience and was a blessing she left. I have an amazing girl now that understands who I am and loves me for it, and most importantly I am happy with where I am.

    In previous years if I ever felt happy and content I always had the thought in the back of my mind saying "Nothing good really lasts. So be prepared for the fall." And while I do understand that you can't be on "Cloud 9" forever, I have realized that you really shouldn't look at the world like that.

    The truth is that good things do last. It is us, as imperfect humans, that choose to see the hard times over the good. Because, honestly, it is much easier to see the hard times over any good time, but what I have discovered is that we are not simply pieces of debris floating down the river of life. We have great influence of the direction our life can take and how it will effect us.

    Just as I mentioned in a past post, We choose to be happy everyday.

    Mar 2, 2011

    I Make the Choice Everyday

    I was recently told something that really showed me how we should view the important things in our lives. The things in our lives that are the most important to us are not choices that are made simply one time in our lives, but they are many and frequent.


    Many people are scared that they may make a 'Wrong Choice' in their life that will lead them to a disastrous outcome. The most common being "Will I (or Have I already) choose the right person for me to marry? Or will I regret it in the future?"

    While it is very important that you find someone that is right for you and understands you I think it is even more important that we remember that loving someone is not just a choice we make once in our lives. Every single day that we live we get to make the choice to fall in love again. We choose our own thoughts, we choose our own deeds, and we choose weather we are going to be happy or not. Stop focusing on past choices and realize that you have those SAME choices today.

    When I was told this it was in reference to a relationship, but I hope everyone can realize that it expands much farther then that. The choice to be happy is everyday, and I don't just mean the "I am going to be happy today" choice. I also am referring to the joys of just sitting down and looking at what you already have.

    What price is paid for your children? Can anyone REALLY ever replace the joy you feel in them? What about your spouse or loved one? How dare you resist love from the one who truly knows you! How about the simple fact that you are here, now, and have the choice to choose!

    I am going through a transition right now that is being scrutinized by those watching and ridiculed by some who would disagree. These feelings and oppositions are naturally weighing me down, but the beauty of it all comes down to this simple phrase.

    I make the choice everyday.

    I make the choice when I wake up. I make it when I go to school. I make it when I return. I make it as I spent the day with my wonderful girl. And I make it as I lay my head down at night. My life is my choice and my happiness is determined by the choices I make EVERYDAY, not just the significant ones.

    So let not those that oppose you choose how to live your life. Make the choice yourself and be content with it. It is the only way to happiness.

    Feb 28, 2011

    The Stages of Life

    The stages of life are many and vast. We go through an unending amount of stages in our life. I remember as a kid hearing one of my sisters talking about me and saying "He's just going through a stage" And they were right. At the time of any stage we are in we think this is permanent and is just who we are. However, the truth of it is that at any given point in our life we can change to not only what we want to be, but also to what we need to be.

    I was talking with a friend just yesterday and she related some struggle she is going through. It was interesting and a little funny, though I dare not laugh, because I remembered going through the exact same thing. Does that make me an expert on the subject? Not at all. In fact, she could have a completely different outcome than me, but this is the very beauty of having others around us.

    When we share our experiences with each other we are giving them the option to learn from what we have experienced. We have to understand as we do that that they may not accept what we say or agree, and that is okay. The beauty of chose is the fact that we chose how we learn. Also, as we tell them our stories we must not assume we have all the answers, because my answer may very well be different then yours. So all I can do is give you my experience and you do with is as you wish.

    Now, what this also means is that I must be open and willing to accept the advice and council of those that are more experienced than I. Remember that all things are double sided and varied.

    Feb 27, 2011

    Boy Meets Girl #2

    Boy meets girl
    Girl talks to boy because he is a little afraid.
    Boy and girl see each other occasionally, but are merely thoughts to the other.
    A defining moment comes when boy realizes his interests are peaked.
    Boy wrestles with himself for a time because of past experiences.
    Boy asks girl out and before their first real date he knows something is different.
    Boy cherishes the time to grow both in his own skin and with another.
    Girl becomes attached to boy and questions arise.
    Boy is determined to find out for himself what is happening.
    Girl is very caring and just what boys needs.
    Boy and girl ponder on the possibilities and are frightened.

    What is the price for happiness? What is the outcome of an unwilling patient desire? Is this the path to finding the hearts closure it has longed for? Or is it merely postponing the inevitable demise it has come so accustom to? No one can truly know and only time will tell, but time is exactly what is needed. Let time rear its face in time and bring closure to a couple waiting.

    Feb 23, 2011

    You Just Never Know

    I remember when I was a kid when life was just so tarable. Maybe their was a problem at school, or one of my sisters made me mad. I remember thinking how bad my life sucked and how I just wanted out.

    Today I look back on those times and think "What was I thinking?!" Life was SOOOO easy then! I didn't have anything to worry about except my own happiness and I chose to take that happiness and turn it into depression! Oh how I wish I could go back and shake that little boy around. I do not, however, regret anything in my childhood. the mistakes I have made and the lessons I have learned have come from these experiences. So this does give me hope that the trials I go through on a daily bases will seem small in the future.

    Now, I think we all kind of go through the debate in our head weather "it" is worth "it all". There are times in our lives when we just lie in bed and wish beyond anything else we have ever wished for that the next day would come and free us from the ache we feel. This is normal. And we all end up asking ourselves "why". Why do I have to go through this? Why is this so hard? Why here? Why now? And then we end up asking.. What's the point?

    What I have discovered (On top of the whole thing helping you grow into a better person) is that the same reason why all this happens is the same reason why you have to keep going. You just never know. It is true. You just NEVER know what is going to happen, and this works for both the bad and the good.

    Every time you end up asking yourself 'why?'; you always find it unfair and you NEVER thought it would happen, or at least not now. That is always how I feel. I was once engaged and a few months before the wedding my fiance left me and didn't want to speak again. You can imagine I had a lot of 'Why?' questions to ask. It was devastating and I wanted to be free from it. I never expected that to happen.

    Then, after some time had passed I realized that I was over her. I was happy again and it didn't bother me to think of her. Why? I didn't expect that either.

    The concept of 'You never know' is equally dispersed to the good and bad of our lives. We just have the natural human tenancy to only focus on the bad, but I challenge you to look back at your life. Go through it step by step and you may see that you have had things fall into your lap as much, if not more, than crap hitting the fan. Try to look at life differently and maybe life will be different for you.

    Feb 17, 2011

    The Whisper of the Heart

    What does it mean to dream? When I say "Dream" do you think of the inconsistent and sometimes strange images and thoughts you see when you are asleep in your bed? Or do your thoughts turn to the aspirations and fantasies of your heart and what you wish to accomplish? Today I speak of the latter.

    We all have dreams and aspirations; of thoughts and desires for a better future of happiness. This is something we all share, but the true wonder of it all is that each and every individual has a completely separate dream than you. Every person you share a passing glance at is on there way to fulfilling their dream. And yes, I mean fulfilling.

    There are those of us who have sought out and tried their hardest to obtain their dream only to be met with disaster and heartache. I dare say that every one of us have experienced this to some degree, and we must understand that that is part of the journey. But I do not write this to focus on the bad times.


    I wish to reference a film that I find uplifting, passionate, and beautiful. It is an anime called Whisper of the Heart by Hayao Miyazaki. This is an absolutely beautiful story of a child's realization of life and searching out her dreams. there are several amazing lessons to be learned in this film including the message in the Quote "When the afternoon currents mix we can even touch the stars without fear." What a beautiful sentiment. We must remember that our dreams are what fuel us. It is our wishing for a better future that prepares us for the rough patches that are destined to come. We all have a purpose and we must realize that this purpose may not be to be something rich and powerful. It may just be to live a full life with the one you love.

    In Whisper of the Heart the young girl Shizuku finds herself slacking off in her studies and always wants to read her stories of fantasy and write her own. She is constantly being ridiculed by her sister and feels the pressure for her to do as she is suppose to. Upon meeting with Seiji, a boy she starts to fall in love with, she realizes that he is already on his way to achieving his dreams and she feels very inadequate; using the phrase "I am just not good enough" often. (which I have caught myself saying as well.) It is obvious that he loves her back, but she is not convinced and is determined to follow her dream and write a story while he is away.

    She ends up finishing her story and even shrugs off her schooling even more because she realizes that not everyone has to follow the same guidelines. Unfortunately for her she finds out that her story is no master piece and still needs a lot of work. It isn't until her 'Fall' that she realizes she needs more schooling in order for her to be better at what she wants to do.

    Upon Seiji's return she finds out that he is completely ready and willing to help her or even carry her through her struggles if he has to. In one scene Seiji is riding up a steep hill on a bike with Shizuku on the back. When she asks him if she should get off he says "No, I decided I was going to ride up this steep hill carrying you with me."

    At which point she reply's "Who said you could decide that? I don't want to be a burden for you. If I'm going with you, I'm going to help you." Then she jumps off the bike and helps push him up.

    What a delightful analogy! This is exactly how we should view our relationship with those around us, and especially our spouses! It doesn't matter if it is the man or the woman riding the bike or pushing it up the hill, all that matters is that you are pushing and trying together!

    Let us all remember that we are not meant or should face our trials alone. And in the process of achieving our dreams we will face many hard and powerful trials. So with the help of the one you love you can literally achieve anything.

    Feb 14, 2011

    Valentines Day Blues...


    Well, it is one or the other. Either you love Valentines day or you hate it, or better yet, either you have someone to share it with or you don't. This is the great conundrum of this stupid holiday.

    That's right, Stupid. I hate it because i fall in the group of having NO ONE. Not even a date. I honestly can not remember the last Valentines day when I actually HAD someone. How sad is that?

    But to be completely fair and honest I have to say that I know I am being hypocritical because if I did have someone i would be on the other side of the spectrum. I would be a Valentines day fanatic. Anyone who knows me knows I am a romantic. I love to love. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would go all out for valentines day. But alas, I am without and filled with emptiness.

    But I guess valentines is more about the feeling of love and the celebration of that feeling. So over all, I guess I need to look at the holiday with an eye of what could be. To try and see the day as a celebration of love and not a celebration of relationships.

    So in that field of thinking; Happy Valentines day! :) But in the thoughts of a relationship; Happy Single Awareness Day....

    Feb 12, 2011

    Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz at Super Bowl


    Wow. All I have to say to this is "WOW!" Apparently 'A-Rod', the Yankee's super star player, was mad at the camera man that caught Cameron Diaz feeding him pop corn during the Superbowl. (New York Post)

    Are you serious? This spoiled $275 million dollar contracted player, with a super star (And super hot) girl by his side is COMPLAINING about her being nice and sweet to him? All I have to say is he doesn't deserve to have a cute gesture like that happen to him.

    All in all though this just makes me appreciate the fact that I am not rich. Yes, I said it. I have never been big on money. Sure I love stuff, but over all if I could get rid of money all together I would. Money corrupts. Alex Rodriguez is a great example. I do not believe it is JUST the money that made him the self involved jerk he is, but I can guarantee you it had a large part.

    Lets all try to appreciate the fact that we are not rich and spoiled like this self involved cry baby.

    Feb 10, 2011

    Perplexed by Happiness

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    My thoughts are scattered today, for I am perplexed by happiness. How do we find it? How do we keep it when we do?

    In my experience, true happiness (not complacency) is fleeting and situational; at least in my life. I struggle with happiness, perhaps, a little more then the average person because of my depression, but this does not mean I can not find it. Unfortunately, my supreme hope of happiness has to come from the stories of others. Often I have to gather strength from the examples of the strong. This does help me from time to time, but these are merely inspirational occurrences to help me pass the day. True happiness is not found in others, but in yourself.

    I am not saying I have never been happy or that I have never had true joy, but this is just the point. I have had it, and it has left. I do not say i am unhappy either, but merely.... here.

    There are so many examples and ways to find happiness. Everyone has a way. One person finds extreme strengths and power from God. Another finds their strength in the arms of the one they love. And yet another may find their happiness in a sport or activity. So I do not think there is a supreme answer. At least not at this point. Right now we all must find what life has for us.

    Just yesterday I talked to a friend that I haven't talked to in a very long time. She is an inspiration to me because she is one of those people where you find yourself saying "I wish I were like her". She is going through a big challenge right now that is wearing her thin. (As we all do from time to time) This trial has been weighing on her for well over 2 months now. At the end of our conversation she tells me with all seriousness and determination that it is all for the best and that she will just learn from it.

    How much better can you look at something? She is completely right. As she gets over this hardship it will come to shape her and help her grow, and she sees this during the trial. A true inspiration.

    Perhaps happiness is in not found, but earned. Maybe our joy and peace can ONLY come after we have overcome the dirt and grime of this life.

    One thing is for sure. Despite the hardships and countless hours of distress and grief I have experienced, I am still convinced happiness exists and IS obtainable. This is the hope in my life.

    Feb 9, 2011

    Try to Love the Hard Times

    At this point in my life their is one idea that sticks out more than any other. It is an idea, or philosophy really, that truly does apply to everyone on this planet. It is the simple, yet powerful idea that we are shaped by the situations around us. One could say its the "Nature verses Nurture" theory, but I am mainly talking about the obstacles we face.

    I do believe we are formed, at least partially, by our surroundings or how we grow up, but we have to remember that it is the hardships and trials that we go through that shape us. Simply put, are you controlled by your circumstance or do you make your own circumstances?

    Indeed, their are somethings that we can not control. Sometimes you get fired from a job because of a recession, or someone forces themselves upon you, ect. Their is literally nothing you can do about those situations and they can greatly hinder people. But when those things happen think of this: How many great men/women have become the heroes they are by luck? No one has ever become a revered hero by just saying "Hey! Love me!" They all had to work for it!

    I know what you may be thinking. (Because I have often thought this) "That is all great and well, but I am not a hero; nor do I wish to be one. I am just having a rough time." It's true. Odds say you will not become a national hero just by the everyday struggles we all go through, but this much I can tell you for sure. Those are the things that make you who you are! When people talk about you do they say "He/She is amazing! How do they handle all of that?" or do they say "That is just sad..."

    I constantly have to tell myself that the hardships and struggles I go though are actually a GOOD thing. It is honestly crazy to think of it that way, but it is true. Why do you think one of the most commonly asked questions in a job interview is "What struggles have you faced and how did you overcome them?" It is these circumstances that show our resilience.

    All of that being said, let us not forget to love and help those that are having a hard time and not belittle them. Help them, because you will want the same help when you get there too. And trust me, you will get there.

    Feb 8, 2011

    The Super Bowl's Darth Vader


    Last Sunday at the Superbowl a commercial aired that I think won the best commercial award. It featured a boy dressed up as Darth Vader and trying his best to use his powers, but nothing works. Then, when his dad comes home, he tries again on his dad's Volkswagen. The boy is surprised to find out his powers worked when his dad pushes the button on his key chain remote to start the car. (Click the video at the end if you have not seen it.)

    I love the commercial and I fell in love with the boy when I watched his interview on the Today Show (Found here) He is a cute little boy who has made it pretty far despite his age.

    This boy is an inspiration to me for one particular purpose. As it mentions in the interview, he has a heart defect and even has to use a pacemaker. He was born with what we would call "Disadvantages" but still manages to be a happy little boy and has even done more commercials than most actors and out there do in (Dare I say) a lifetime!

    His name is Max Page and he is truly an inspiration. Rock on Max!!

    "Shouldn't need anyone, just tired of being alone"

    "Shouldn't need anyone, just tired of being alone" - Godspeed by Anberlin

    I was listening to this song and this line really hit me. I am in a part of my life where it's not that I am unsatisfied with where I am at, but one thing stands out more than anything else. I'm tired of being alone.

    I think this line explains it perfectly. I probably shouldn't really NEED anyone, but I am very sick of being all alone. But also, at the same time I do not think humans are bent to be alone. I believe we are social creatures and that need other's companionship.

    Feb 7, 2011

    Hope is Our God

    So, I would like to talk about something that I find very important. It is that everyone needs a "God". Let me start off by saying I understand that not everyone will agree with me and I am okay with that. Just let me explain.

    Yes, I am a religious man. I do believe in God and all he does, however, I do understand why others may not, but what i really want to talk about is not about the deity itself, but the idea.

    In the book Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl it explains this topic very well. Viktor was a victim and survivor of the holocaust and explains how he got through the whole ordeal. Surprisingly enough, the book does not go through his horrible experience in full detail, but actually talks more about his overcoming the extreme depression and horrors of the time. He explains how the key to his survival was his thoughts about his wife. He found that he could completely forget everything around him by focusing and completely using all his senses to just picture his wife and how much he loved her. And even though he did not know if she was still alive, he explained how it really didn't matter because the mere thought of her helped him survive. She lived in him.


    He later realized that it is hope that keeps us all going. Every single human being lives for hope, lives with hope, and lives to hope. Every single person in the world hope for something, and the ones that give up hope are the ones that are destroyed; either in there mind or physically. He explains how in wars past POWs would be told that the war was over and there side was losing. Even going as far as to completely demoralize them. They would lose all hope and most ended up killing themselves.

    I mention all this because it honestly shows the power of hope. We all must find what we hope for. Is it hope for a better life; a new occupation, better grades in school; finding the love of your life; the growth of your children; the belief in a God that will save you? The list goes on and on, and everyone of us has a different hope.

    One thing I hope we all can understand is that we all NEED this hope and should never belittle someone else's hope! It is theirs and theirs alone and you have no right to take it from them.

    Hopefully you understand what I mean by a "God". Be whatever it is, you deserve to have it.

    When boy meets girl


    Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy is afraid to tell girl how he feels and instead changes into a relationship destroying monster. Boy tries to flirt with girl. Girl flirts back. Boy gets excited that someone shows interest. Boy still has not worked up the courage to ask girl out yet (since that is his job) so he sees if she was just being nice by flirting with her again. Girl decides to test the water by backing off and acting like she is not Interested. This discourages the boy and thinks she never really liked him. Boy writes off the whole ordeal as "just another loss" BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

    Feb 6, 2011

    "The One"

    This is actually a post that I did on Facebook a few days ago.

    So, today is Friday night and once again I am at home, alone, with just a video game to keep me company. My other roomates were both going out doing several different things. One was going to a dance party, the other was.....i Don't really know, but out with some other friends and when they were here they were talking about how they had hit on girls and things. Pretty normal stuff really for a college student. I had no problems with it at all, but it made me think. And honestly, I would really like some feedback here.



    I was thinking how much I hate those type of scenes. Anyone who knows me knows that I am most at peace when I am just one on one with someone, or with just a couple of good friends. I am NOT a party person. But tonight I thought:

    "How am I suppose to meet someone and get married if I never get out?"

    It's a valid question, really, and one that has troubled me before. Maybe I need to go to those parties and try to meet people. All my close friends know that I am ready to get married and settle down. But if getting married en tells "Settling Down" then why do i need to "Party up" in order to "Settle Down"?

    Is it so bad to think that I might meet someone in a normal, casual setting? At school, at church, on the bus, in the store, ect. Obviously these situations are a lot less likely to turn into dates, but honestly I'd rather meet those girls then the girls at a club, and would probably be more attracted to them as well. If I go to a club and meet a girl there, she will probably LIKE going to clubs.....and I DON'T! Those are really two different personalities.

    I want a girl that likes to just sit back and cuddle. Maybe read a book or watch a movie. Sure, of course we need to be active. I would LOVE to have a girl that likes to play racquetball or tennis! I like to be active, but that doesn't mean you have to be in a big group. I just want someone i can relax with.

    But of course, how am I going to find her sitting at home playing games? I won't. I know that, so please don't think that's all I do. ;) I'm just a very one on one person, and big groups don't suit me. BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

    Feb 5, 2011

    A Simple Gesture

    I sit in borders book store in the cafe reading a book. I have been here a while and a lovely lady comes and sits in a cushioned chair beside me. She is not particularly beautiful, but there is a quit eloquence about her which makes her alluring. I quickly see she is married and becomes just a passing thought.

    Not to long and her husband comes but the only spot available is across from her. She indicates to sit there but he hesitates. I instantly get the expression that they are newlyweds or at lease still have the flare of love lingering in them. The husband sets down and begins to read his magazine "Maximum pc". He is a geek. Perhaps I do have hope.

    Soon the seat beside him is free and the woman moves and sits beside him. The chairs are not set up right next to each other, but are adjacent to the other. So the only part that are close to the couple is their legs. What she does next warms my heart and I smile.

    The woman simply shifts and maneuvers herself so that her feet are touching his lower calf and rests it there with a smile.

    Oh how I long for that simple gesture of love; the simplest movement that if not looked for will not be seen, but is immensely powerful to those involved. I am convinced that it is these small gestures that are the true language of love. It is not in the words you say or the items you give one another. It is the wordless conversation that passes between shared glances at a simple touch.
    One day...One day