The Stages of Life

The stages of life are many and vast. We go through an unending amount of stages in our life. I remember as a kid hearing one of my sisters talking about me and saying "He's just going through a stage" And they were right. At the time of any stage we are in we think this is permanent and is just who we are. However, the truth of it is that at any given point in our life we can change to not only what we want to be, but also to what we need to be.

I was talking with a friend just yesterday and she related some struggle she is going through. It was interesting and a little funny, though I dare not laugh, because I remembered going through the exact same thing. Does that make me an expert on the subject? Not at all. In fact, she could have a completely different outcome than me, but this is the very beauty of having others around us.

When we share our experiences with each other we are giving them the option to learn from what we have experienced. We have to understand as we do that that they may not accept what we say or agree, and that is okay. The beauty of chose is the fact that we chose how we learn. Also, as we tell them our stories we must not assume we have all the answers, because my answer may very well be different then yours. So all I can do is give you my experience and you do with is as you wish.

Now, what this also means is that I must be open and willing to accept the advice and council of those that are more experienced than I. Remember that all things are double sided and varied.

Boy Meets Girl #2

Boy meets girl
Girl talks to boy because he is a little afraid.
Boy and girl see each other occasionally, but are merely thoughts to the other.
A defining moment comes when boy realizes his interests are peaked.
Boy wrestles with himself for a time because of past experiences.
Boy asks girl out and before their first real date he knows something is different.
Boy cherishes the time to grow both in his own skin and with another.
Girl becomes attached to boy and questions arise.
Boy is determined to find out for himself what is happening.
Girl is very caring and just what boys needs.
Boy and girl ponder on the possibilities and are frightened.

What is the price for happiness? What is the outcome of an unwilling patient desire? Is this the path to finding the hearts closure it has longed for? Or is it merely postponing the inevitable demise it has come so accustom to? No one can truly know and only time will tell, but time is exactly what is needed. Let time rear its face in time and bring closure to a couple waiting.

You Just Never Know

I remember when I was a kid when life was just so tarable. Maybe their was a problem at school, or one of my sisters made me mad. I remember thinking how bad my life sucked and how I just wanted out.

Today I look back on those times and think "What was I thinking?!" Life was SOOOO easy then! I didn't have anything to worry about except my own happiness and I chose to take that happiness and turn it into depression! Oh how I wish I could go back and shake that little boy around. I do not, however, regret anything in my childhood. the mistakes I have made and the lessons I have learned have come from these experiences. So this does give me hope that the trials I go through on a daily bases will seem small in the future.

Now, I think we all kind of go through the debate in our head weather "it" is worth "it all". There are times in our lives when we just lie in bed and wish beyond anything else we have ever wished for that the next day would come and free us from the ache we feel. This is normal. And we all end up asking ourselves "why". Why do I have to go through this? Why is this so hard? Why here? Why now? And then we end up asking.. What's the point?

What I have discovered (On top of the whole thing helping you grow into a better person) is that the same reason why all this happens is the same reason why you have to keep going. You just never know. It is true. You just NEVER know what is going to happen, and this works for both the bad and the good.

Every time you end up asking yourself 'why?'; you always find it unfair and you NEVER thought it would happen, or at least not now. That is always how I feel. I was once engaged and a few months before the wedding my fiance left me and didn't want to speak again. You can imagine I had a lot of 'Why?' questions to ask. It was devastating and I wanted to be free from it. I never expected that to happen.

Then, after some time had passed I realized that I was over her. I was happy again and it didn't bother me to think of her. Why? I didn't expect that either.

The concept of 'You never know' is equally dispersed to the good and bad of our lives. We just have the natural human tenancy to only focus on the bad, but I challenge you to look back at your life. Go through it step by step and you may see that you have had things fall into your lap as much, if not more, than crap hitting the fan. Try to look at life differently and maybe life will be different for you.

The Whisper of the Heart

What does it mean to dream? When I say "Dream" do you think of the inconsistent and sometimes strange images and thoughts you see when you are asleep in your bed? Or do your thoughts turn to the aspirations and fantasies of your heart and what you wish to accomplish? Today I speak of the latter.

We all have dreams and aspirations; of thoughts and desires for a better future of happiness. This is something we all share, but the true wonder of it all is that each and every individual has a completely separate dream than you. Every person you share a passing glance at is on there way to fulfilling their dream. And yes, I mean fulfilling.

There are those of us who have sought out and tried their hardest to obtain their dream only to be met with disaster and heartache. I dare say that every one of us have experienced this to some degree, and we must understand that that is part of the journey. But I do not write this to focus on the bad times.

I wish to reference a film that I find uplifting, passionate, and beautiful. It is an anime called Whisper of the Heart by Hayao Miyazaki. This is an absolutely beautiful story of a child's realization of life and searching out her dreams. there are several amazing lessons to be learned in this film including the message in the Quote "When the afternoon currents mix we can even touch the stars without fear." What a beautiful sentiment. We must remember that our dreams are what fuel us. It is our wishing for a better future that prepares us for the rough patches that are destined to come. We all have a purpose and we must realize that this purpose may not be to be something rich and powerful. It may just be to live a full life with the one you love.

In Whisper of the Heart the young girl Shizuku finds herself slacking off in her studies and always wants to read her stories of fantasy and write her own. She is constantly being ridiculed by her sister and feels the pressure for her to do as she is suppose to. Upon meeting with Seiji, a boy she starts to fall in love with, she realizes that he is already on his way to achieving his dreams and she feels very inadequate; using the phrase "I am just not good enough" often. (which I have caught myself saying as well.) It is obvious that he loves her back, but she is not convinced and is determined to follow her dream and write a story while he is away.

She ends up finishing her story and even shrugs off her schooling even more because she realizes that not everyone has to follow the same guidelines. Unfortunately for her she finds out that her story is no master piece and still needs a lot of work. It isn't until her 'Fall' that she realizes she needs more schooling in order for her to be better at what she wants to do.

Upon Seiji's return she finds out that he is completely ready and willing to help her or even carry her through her struggles if he has to. In one scene Seiji is riding up a steep hill on a bike with Shizuku on the back. When she asks him if she should get off he says "No, I decided I was going to ride up this steep hill carrying you with me."

At which point she reply's "Who said you could decide that? I don't want to be a burden for you. If I'm going with you, I'm going to help you." Then she jumps off the bike and helps push him up.

What a delightful analogy! This is exactly how we should view our relationship with those around us, and especially our spouses! It doesn't matter if it is the man or the woman riding the bike or pushing it up the hill, all that matters is that you are pushing and trying together!

Let us all remember that we are not meant or should face our trials alone. And in the process of achieving our dreams we will face many hard and powerful trials. So with the help of the one you love you can literally achieve anything.

Valentines Day Blues...

Well, it is one or the other. Either you love Valentines day or you hate it, or better yet, either you have someone to share it with or you don't. This is the great conundrum of this stupid holiday.

That's right, Stupid. I hate it because i fall in the group of having NO ONE. Not even a date. I honestly can not remember the last Valentines day when I actually HAD someone. How sad is that?

But to be completely fair and honest I have to say that I know I am being hypocritical because if I did have someone i would be on the other side of the spectrum. I would be a Valentines day fanatic. Anyone who knows me knows I am a romantic. I love to love. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would go all out for valentines day. But alas, I am without and filled with emptiness.

But I guess valentines is more about the feeling of love and the celebration of that feeling. So over all, I guess I need to look at the holiday with an eye of what could be. To try and see the day as a celebration of love and not a celebration of relationships.

So in that field of thinking; Happy Valentines day! :) But in the thoughts of a relationship; Happy Single Awareness Day....

Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz at Super Bowl

Wow. All I have to say to this is "WOW!" Apparently 'A-Rod', the Yankee's super star player, was mad at the camera man that caught Cameron Diaz feeding him pop corn during the Superbowl. (New York Post)

Are you serious? This spoiled $275 million dollar contracted player, with a super star (And super hot) girl by his side is COMPLAINING about her being nice and sweet to him? All I have to say is he doesn't deserve to have a cute gesture like that happen to him.

All in all though this just makes me appreciate the fact that I am not rich. Yes, I said it. I have never been big on money. Sure I love stuff, but over all if I could get rid of money all together I would. Money corrupts. Alex Rodriguez is a great example. I do not believe it is JUST the money that made him the self involved jerk he is, but I can guarantee you it had a large part.

Lets all try to appreciate the fact that we are not rich and spoiled like this self involved cry baby.

Perplexed by Happiness

Hi5 Comments & Hi5 Graphics

My thoughts are scattered today, for I am perplexed by happiness. How do we find it? How do we keep it when we do?

In my experience, true happiness (not complacency) is fleeting and situational; at least in my life. I struggle with happiness, perhaps, a little more then the average person because of my depression, but this does not mean I can not find it. Unfortunately, my supreme hope of happiness has to come from the stories of others. Often I have to gather strength from the examples of the strong. This does help me from time to time, but these are merely inspirational occurrences to help me pass the day. True happiness is not found in others, but in yourself.

I am not saying I have never been happy or that I have never had true joy, but this is just the point. I have had it, and it has left. I do not say i am unhappy either, but merely.... here.

There are so many examples and ways to find happiness. Everyone has a way. One person finds extreme strengths and power from God. Another finds their strength in the arms of the one they love. And yet another may find their happiness in a sport or activity. So I do not think there is a supreme answer. At least not at this point. Right now we all must find what life has for us.

Just yesterday I talked to a friend that I haven't talked to in a very long time. She is an inspiration to me because she is one of those people where you find yourself saying "I wish I were like her". She is going through a big challenge right now that is wearing her thin. (As we all do from time to time) This trial has been weighing on her for well over 2 months now. At the end of our conversation she tells me with all seriousness and determination that it is all for the best and that she will just learn from it.

How much better can you look at something? She is completely right. As she gets over this hardship it will come to shape her and help her grow, and she sees this during the trial. A true inspiration.

Perhaps happiness is in not found, but earned. Maybe our joy and peace can ONLY come after we have overcome the dirt and grime of this life.

One thing is for sure. Despite the hardships and countless hours of distress and grief I have experienced, I am still convinced happiness exists and IS obtainable. This is the hope in my life.

Try to Love the Hard Times

At this point in my life their is one idea that sticks out more than any other. It is an idea, or philosophy really, that truly does apply to everyone on this planet. It is the simple, yet powerful idea that we are shaped by the situations around us. One could say its the "Nature verses Nurture" theory, but I am mainly talking about the obstacles we face.

I do believe we are formed, at least partially, by our surroundings or how we grow up, but we have to remember that it is the hardships and trials that we go through that shape us. Simply put, are you controlled by your circumstance or do you make your own circumstances?

Indeed, their are somethings that we can not control. Sometimes you get fired from a job because of a recession, or someone forces themselves upon you, ect. Their is literally nothing you can do about those situations and they can greatly hinder people. But when those things happen think of this: How many great men/women have become the heroes they are by luck? No one has ever become a revered hero by just saying "Hey! Love me!" They all had to work for it!

I know what you may be thinking. (Because I have often thought this) "That is all great and well, but I am not a hero; nor do I wish to be one. I am just having a rough time." It's true. Odds say you will not become a national hero just by the everyday struggles we all go through, but this much I can tell you for sure. Those are the things that make you who you are! When people talk about you do they say "He/She is amazing! How do they handle all of that?" or do they say "That is just sad..."

I constantly have to tell myself that the hardships and struggles I go though are actually a GOOD thing. It is honestly crazy to think of it that way, but it is true. Why do you think one of the most commonly asked questions in a job interview is "What struggles have you faced and how did you overcome them?" It is these circumstances that show our resilience.

All of that being said, let us not forget to love and help those that are having a hard time and not belittle them. Help them, because you will want the same help when you get there too. And trust me, you will get there.

The Super Bowl's Darth Vader

Last Sunday at the Superbowl a commercial aired that I think won the best commercial award. It featured a boy dressed up as Darth Vader and trying his best to use his powers, but nothing works. Then, when his dad comes home, he tries again on his dad's Volkswagen. The boy is surprised to find out his powers worked when his dad pushes the button on his key chain remote to start the car. (Click the video at the end if you have not seen it.)

I love the commercial and I fell in love with the boy when I watched his interview on the Today Show (Found here) He is a cute little boy who has made it pretty far despite his age.

This boy is an inspiration to me for one particular purpose. As it mentions in the interview, he has a heart defect and even has to use a pacemaker. He was born with what we would call "Disadvantages" but still manages to be a happy little boy and has even done more commercials than most actors and out there do in (Dare I say) a lifetime!

His name is Max Page and he is truly an inspiration. Rock on Max!!

"Shouldn't need anyone, just tired of being alone"

"Shouldn't need anyone, just tired of being alone" - Godspeed by Anberlin

I was listening to this song and this line really hit me. I am in a part of my life where it's not that I am unsatisfied with where I am at, but one thing stands out more than anything else. I'm tired of being alone.

I think this line explains it perfectly. I probably shouldn't really NEED anyone, but I am very sick of being all alone. But also, at the same time I do not think humans are bent to be alone. I believe we are social creatures and that need other's companionship.

Hope is Our God

So, I would like to talk about something that I find very important. It is that everyone needs a "God". Let me start off by saying I understand that not everyone will agree with me and I am okay with that. Just let me explain.

Yes, I am a religious man. I do believe in God and all he does, however, I do understand why others may not, but what i really want to talk about is not about the deity itself, but the idea.

In the book Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl it explains this topic very well. Viktor was a victim and survivor of the holocaust and explains how he got through the whole ordeal. Surprisingly enough, the book does not go through his horrible experience in full detail, but actually talks more about his overcoming the extreme depression and horrors of the time. He explains how the key to his survival was his thoughts about his wife. He found that he could completely forget everything around him by focusing and completely using all his senses to just picture his wife and how much he loved her. And even though he did not know if she was still alive, he explained how it really didn't matter because the mere thought of her helped him survive. She lived in him.

He later realized that it is hope that keeps us all going. Every single human being lives for hope, lives with hope, and lives to hope. Every single person in the world hope for something, and the ones that give up hope are the ones that are destroyed; either in there mind or physically. He explains how in wars past POWs would be told that the war was over and there side was losing. Even going as far as to completely demoralize them. They would lose all hope and most ended up killing themselves.

I mention all this because it honestly shows the power of hope. We all must find what we hope for. Is it hope for a better life; a new occupation, better grades in school; finding the love of your life; the growth of your children; the belief in a God that will save you? The list goes on and on, and everyone of us has a different hope.

One thing I hope we all can understand is that we all NEED this hope and should never belittle someone else's hope! It is theirs and theirs alone and you have no right to take it from them.

Hopefully you understand what I mean by a "God". Be whatever it is, you deserve to have it.

When boy meets girl

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy is afraid to tell girl how he feels and instead changes into a relationship destroying monster. Boy tries to flirt with girl. Girl flirts back. Boy gets excited that someone shows interest. Boy still has not worked up the courage to ask girl out yet (since that is his job) so he sees if she was just being nice by flirting with her again. Girl decides to test the water by backing off and acting like she is not Interested. This discourages the boy and thinks she never really liked him. Boy writes off the whole ordeal as "just another loss"

"The One"

This is actually a post that I did on Facebook a few days ago.

So, today is Friday night and once again I am at home, alone, with just a video game to keep me company. My other roomates were both going out doing several different things. One was going to a dance party, the other was.....i Don't really know, but out with some other friends and when they were here they were talking about how they had hit on girls and things. Pretty normal stuff really for a college student. I had no problems with it at all, but it made me think. And honestly, I would really like some feedback here.



I was thinking how much I hate those type of scenes. Anyone who knows me knows that I am most at peace when I am just one on one with someone, or with just a couple of good friends. I am NOT a party person. But tonight I thought:

"How am I suppose to meet someone and get married if I never get out?"

It's a valid question, really, and one that has troubled me before. Maybe I need to go to those parties and try to meet people. All my close friends know that I am ready to get married and settle down. But if getting married en tells "Settling Down" then why do i need to "Party up" in order to "Settle Down"?

Is it so bad to think that I might meet someone in a normal, casual setting? At school, at church, on the bus, in the store, ect. Obviously these situations are a lot less likely to turn into dates, but honestly I'd rather meet those girls then the girls at a club, and would probably be more attracted to them as well. If I go to a club and meet a girl there, she will probably LIKE going to clubs.....and I DON'T! Those are really two different personalities.

I want a girl that likes to just sit back and cuddle. Maybe read a book or watch a movie. Sure, of course we need to be active. I would LOVE to have a girl that likes to play racquetball or tennis! I like to be active, but that doesn't mean you have to be in a big group. I just want someone i can relax with.

But of course, how am I going to find her sitting at home playing games? I won't. I know that, so please don't think that's all I do. ;) I'm just a very one on one person, and big groups don't suit me.

A Simple Gesture

I sit in borders book store in the cafe reading a book. I have been here a while and a lovely lady comes and sits in a cushioned chair beside me. She is not particularly beautiful, but there is a quit eloquence about her which makes her alluring. I quickly see she is married and becomes just a passing thought.

Not to long and her husband comes but the only spot available is across from her. She indicates to sit there but he hesitates. I instantly get the expression that they are newlyweds or at lease still have the flare of love lingering in them. The husband sets down and begins to read his magazine "Maximum pc". He is a geek. Perhaps I do have hope.

Soon the seat beside him is free and the woman moves and sits beside him. The chairs are not set up right next to each other, but are adjacent to the other. So the only part that are close to the couple is their legs. What she does next warms my heart and I smile.

The woman simply shifts and maneuvers herself so that her feet are touching his lower calf and rests it there with a smile.

Oh how I long for that simple gesture of love; the simplest movement that if not looked for will not be seen, but is immensely powerful to those involved. I am convinced that it is these small gestures that are the true language of love. It is not in the words you say or the items you give one another. It is the wordless conversation that passes between shared glances at a simple touch.
One day...One day