The long process of growing

First of all, sorry it has been so long sense I have posted. I recently got married and have been a tad busy with that. ;)

It is actually my marriage that brings up the point I wish to make today. I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. We were just married last Friday and have already gone through several trials. We have grown and matured with each other and have had to make several very important decisions together as well, and as I was laying with her today I realized something that made me very very grateful for our situation.

Hannah and I are both 25 years old and have never been married. We have both longed for marriage and a family for many years (me personally since I was 15) and we both strongly agree that marriage is a sacred bond that should not be taken lightly and should never use divorce as an out. (Divorce in it self is a completely different matter that I will not get into today. Suffice to say that there is a time and a place for divorce, but should not be used frequently.) We have both matured enough that we have our own foundations and know who we are. I am very happy that I waited to marry such a wonderful person.

To some this may sound strange. To think that someone could wait to be married, or even have sex, until they are 25 years old is rather ludicrous in this day and age. It is not uncommon for someone my age to have already been married and divorced. In fact, I have heard the term "Starter Marriage" used as an excuse to get married and divorce far too much. In our society we see this as normal and acceptable, but if you truly step back and take a look at the big picture you will see a major flaw in this mindset.

I am a Christan and believe that God's plan and order of life is perfect and he knows what is best. However, even if you are not a Christan the method of thinking which I am about to describe still applies and should be considered.

When you are young you are in the "Me" stage of life. This is not to say that you are selfish, but it is evident that you are looking out for yourself and wanting to learn everything you can. This is normal and actually healthy. From the time we can distinguish the difference between right and wrong we are trying to perfect ourselves the best way we know how. Some may take a more destructive path, but the purpose is the same, they are trying to become who they want to be. This process of discovering and perfecting takes place until the time you get married.

Once you are married you then are no longer focused on just yourself, but also your spouse. You no longer spend the entire day playing games, doing chores, doing your hobbies, or anything that is solely a one person activity. You use your time to do things as a couple and make sure you set time aside for that person. This is not to say that you no longer are yourself or even that you no longer have your alone time. There needs to be a healthy amount of self discovery still, even after marriage, but the simple fact remains that the most of your time will be devoted to the other. Not to give them everything they want, but to work together to start to build a home where ever you live. To make 1 life out of 2 people. And believe me, this is not a simple task.

After you have built your home and feel complete, you are ready to add to that home, for what is a house without people to live in it? It is the next step to have children and to raise those children to be good outstanding people. This is probably the most important step and will last the rest of your life. No matter how old you or the child may get, you are still their parent.

First you are born. Then you are made strong (not perfected, because that will take more then a lifetime.) Then you are given another. Together you start to build. When your house is strong you are given more. Thus we see the progression of life and the broader picture.

Notice that I never gave ages for these steps. That is because NO ONE can tell you when you are ready for the next step. And to be quite honest, often times YOU don't even know. I remember when I was 17, still in high school, and I thought I was ready to marry the girl I was dating at the time. I was determined that I knew myself and knew I could make it. I look back today and realize I was a fool. I was no where near ready and am very grateful to NOT have taken that path at that time.

Now, before anyone goes and assumes I am condemning those that got married young or started a family when they may not have been married, let me just say that I am doing NO SUCH THING. We must always remember that despite ANY decision we make there is always a way to make the outcome better. And if anyone knows my family history they know that I speak from experience and with complete knowledge of the truth of this.

These steps go in this particular order for a reason. It is meant to be this way. Unfortunately we usually do not see its purpose until after we have screwed up a bit, but we can do what we can to help those after us and to help our future as well.

Osama Bin Laden killed! A Reign of Terror Ended

It is fair to say that I am not much of a political person or even into governmental issues, but the issue of finding Bin Laden has been something I have always agreed with. This mass murderer needed to be stopped at all costs. Not only was he an enemy and tyrant of the United States, but he was a murderer and the very face of evil for the whole world. It is in this realization that I celebrate his death. Good riddens to bad rubbish.

As I was talking to my roommates and parents about this historic event it occurred to me that never in my life have I ever celebrated the death of another human being. Although it is hard to imagine, God even loves this low life and wishes to have him in his presence. As I thought about this I was reminded of the meny accounts int he bible when God had to force his hand in making sure justice and righteousness was carried out, and I do believe Justice was carried out in stopping a tyrant from ever hurting another individual again. I do not profess to speak for God in any manner, but I do say that the world is better off with a worm like Osama Bin Laden dead!

It occurred to me as well that in many ways Osama Bin Laden was the Hitler of our generation. It could be argued that Osama did not do quite as many horrible things or did not even have as much power as Hitler, but I believe it is fair to say that he was an enemy to the world just as Hitler was.

Bin Laden was not just the United State's enemy. He was a world wide terrorist! He killed thousands of people from all nations and was hunted by more then just the U.S. As President Obama stated last night, it was in conjunction with Pakistan that we even got Bin Laden. He was a tyrant, murderer, thief, radicle,  and poor excuse for a human being, and the world is a better place without him.

God Bless America

Judge Ye Not

For those that don't know, I am recently engaged to a beautifully wonderful woman that I am privileged to even know, much less marry. Our story is a little strange and many would say they don't really agree with some of our decisions. Sufficeth to say our courtship was fast and unexpected, and some have given us flack for this. With the convenience of Facebook we have been able to inform others of the changes we have had to make to our wedding (Dates, plans, ect) in mass quantity. With just one message we were able to tell hundreds of people that we moved our wedding date up.

Just a few hours after doing so one of the people who disagreed with us "Rushing into marriage" posted an ambiguous message on there status. She stated that she didn't understand why people rush into marriage and the conversation that followed was more confirmation to her statement.

When I read this it did not make me upset. In fact, it made me sad for all those that participated and sad for those that think the same as they. How can anyone know the exact situation of another? It matters not how similare a situation you may have been through or how many people have told you the same story. There is literally no way to know another's situation fully. So does that mean you can not have an opinion? Of course not! It is every person's right to have an opinion. The problem comes with those who think their way of the thinking is the ONLY right path.

Looking at my situation, it is interesting to really look at the big picture. When you hear people talk about how they would never rush into marriage it comes from 2 different types of people: Those who have had a similar experience and it crushed them, and those that have never been in the situation at all. Since the latter has no clue of what they speak it is unfair for them to speak as if they know and unwise for anyone to take their advice.

The first, however, has a place to give a word of caution. Their is nothing wrong with this either. They are only at fault when they force their opinion or try to get the other to change. In fact, I have been in this exact situation. Before I met my current fiance I was engaged to another woman that left me very harshly and broke my heart and dreams for a period. This experience hurt me deeply and I even said to myself that I would not rush into a marriage again. I remember even counseling others to not rush into it as well, but I always made sure not to be forceful and just give my opinion and love the other no mater what they chose.

It was just over a year and a half after that that I was in a similar situation again with my current fiance. I found myself falling for this wonderful woman far faster then anyone since my Ex and I couldn't be happier. Sometimes I wonder if i would have denied myself the pleasure and beautiful future with her if I would have said "No, we have to date at least 6 months!" I do not regret my decision and can guarantee you I never will.

Now, lets take a look at the third party that everyone seems to forget, or choose not to see. Along with those that have had a hurtful experience and those that have no clue of what they speak there is also the group of couples that have "Rushed into marriage" and are happily married to this day. Why do we choose to ignore this group? Do we believe they don't exist or refuse to admit that others could actually be happy in this situation? Indeed it is the natural human reaction to just see the negative and overlook the positive. In fact, many who read this will likely say "Sure, but those are the exception" Well to those I have 2 things to say...

1) Maybe you should widen your gaze. It is likely that those you talk to have been in the 'Hurt' catigory I spoke of early because they were not smart about the situation and was focused on the wrong things. If you look around at others who are happily married you will find that many were rather quick engagements. As stated in an eHow article:

The success of any of these marriages relies on the people involved in the relationship. Basic elements remain fundamental to marriage regardless of the length of time spent dating prior to that union.Read more: How Long Do People Usually Date Before They Get Married? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5376907_long-usually-date-before-married.html#ixzz1KZIooTMO

2) How dare you look down on another for being happy! It is this exact view point that henders you from having something as beautiful as this! My dear friends, be happy and stop being so pessimistic! No one likes a "Downer"

Overall, I just wish to get everyone to realize that you can not know another's situation perfectly and thus should and can not assume you know better then they. Their is only one that can fully understand, and I guarantee you he will not tell you if someone else is doing it wrong.

A Better Outlook: But how do I do it?

Sorry it has taken so long to post something. I have recently got engaged and if any of you are married you know how much time that sucks from you, and on top of that I have an art show coming up! Things have (needless to say) time consuming!

Because of all these things that have been happening I have been thinking more and more about how our attitude effects the outcome of our lives. Really, not just our lives but also the projects we work on. Be it our work at our jobs or the everyday interactions with our family and/or friends, it is all effected by our attitude. If we call someone that frequently upsets us expecting to get frustrated at them I can guarantee you will.

Not too long ago I talked with my soon to be in-law about just this topic and he said the same thought. "Whatever you search for, you will find." This statement is so true in every aspect of our lives. Many people laugh at the idea of 'positive thinking' but I'd bet you all those people have not tried it.

By no means am I saying that changing your outlook will make your 'life better', but I can say that it will be more bearable. Your hardships and struggles will still be there and will not just magically disappear. They will, however, be magically lighter, magically easier, and you will magically smile just a tad more.

Many may read this and think

I would love to have that outlook, but how do I do it?

This is actually a fantastic question and one that I have struggled with many times in my life. Unfortunately, I do not have a direct answer. the simple fact of the matter is that every single person decides how they will learn this lesson. Since every individual has their own way of learning it is imposable to have one universal answer. Their is, However, some advice that can be given:

• Fake it 'till you make it - This is the concept that you act like the person you wont to be (or do the things you want to develop) even if it means it is uncomfortable for you. You 'fake' being the person you want to be until that is the person you become.I used to be greatly opposed to this concept. I did not like the idea of acting like someone else and not truly being yourself. I felt that if I "Faked" the way I was then I would be lying to everyone.
  The truth is that you are not actually lying about anything. It is not lying if that is the person you want to be. It may not be easy to do this and many may even call you out on it, but if you stick with it you will naturally take on those attributes you want. Then the next thing you know you don't even have to think about it anymore. So if that means just forcing a smile when talking to someone that frustrates you, then your are on the right path.
  

• Surround yourself with what you want to become - This seems like an easy enough ans simple concept, but trust me, its not. This is one of those things that you really have to be dedicated to in order to work. This entails cutting yourself off from the people and friends that are not acting the way you would like to be. Unfortunately, the people you surround yourself with DO influence who you are as a person.Please understand that I do not mean you should burn the bridges of those you care about. What I am saying is you must weigh if them bringing you down is worth risking your happiness. I have done this before without making either party angry. In fact if they are true friends then they should understand that you are not comfortable in the situation and should respect you for what you choose. Sure, you may get a little hazing, but trust me, this hazing is a small price for happiness. 

Just try to remember that your life is up to YOU and it is only YOU who can determine how it will end up.